LAZY F GUEST RANCH 

A guide on the weather at different times of the year
and what to expect and wear
Clay Allen
P.O. Box 9
Smiley, Texas 78159
Phone: (830) 587-6378
Fax: (830) 587-6312

This is just a guide!!


SUMMER
FALL
WINTER
SPRING
JUNE - 
MID-SEPTEMBER
MID-SEPTEMBER - MID-NOVEMBER
MID-NOVEMBER -
END OF FEBRUARY
MARCH -
JUNE
IT IS JUST HOT!!!!
If you can't stand the heat then you need to come in one of the other 3 seasons.

MORNING - We usually start riding about 7 AM and quit at 9:30 or 10. If it is REALLY hot, then we start at 5 or 6 and quit at 9 AM.

AFTERNOON - We usually start riding about 5 PM. If it is REALLY hot, then we start at 6 PM or later.

 Starts off in the 90's and drops to the 50's or 40's by November... maybe. This is Texas!! I have seen sleet the first week in October (almost never). And 90 in November (NOT often) Usually this is jacket or coat weather. Gloves and warm socks and clothing. Darn cold for us (50's - high 30's) but pretty nice for Europeans and people from North of the Mason-Dixon Line. Starting to get warmer. Long to short sleeve riding... but short sleeve only if you want to get sunburned.

 
 
Texas Weather Jokes that are TRUE
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly  pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to
call  it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
northern  Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but
cold and harsh  while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and
pleasant. "I have  made some lands abundant in water and other lands
parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will
be very cold and covered in ice."
 
 

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and
said  "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's TEXAS -- the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests The people
from TEXAS are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous
and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be
extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be
known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What
about  balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in the Texas Government in AUSTIN."

 A TEXAS  BLESSING
Note: If you are not a resident of TEXAS  or never have lived in the
hot, humid Southwest, you may not understand the weight of this
blessing!

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
in TEXAS, Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.

 You know you are in Texas in Summer when...

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end
up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk. Ah, what a place to call home.

 
 
 

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